They’re not lost, I just don’t remember where I put them…


So, moving on from Bigfoot…. I want to know, where have those Lost Ten Tribes got to? Center of the Earth? The Moon? Russia? right here among us, disguised as ordinary citizens? C’mon, let’s have it… let’s hear all those wild and wooly theories.

And by the way, exactly which tribes ARE lost, anyway? Ephraim was originally one of the Ten, but now we’re back; Levi didn’t originally count as one of the twelve, but he is technically lost. I think we know where Judah, Benjamin and the two Joseph tribes are, right? And what about Dan? why doesn’t Dan count as part of the 144,000? Is Dan lost or not, and do we want to find him? If there’s 13 tribes and only 12 apostles, does somebody get to skip the judgment? Tell me more….

Perhaps we should have a poll/smackdown:
Which tribe is most historically significant, and would win on MTV Celebrity Deathmatch?

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “They’re not lost, I just don’t remember where I put them…

  1. Anonymous

    Dan went to Den-mark. Ephr-aim went to Brit-ain.
     

    Posted by Ronan

  2. Rob

    Well, that explains why they’re not invited to the 144k party, I guess…

  3. Anonymous

    I think it was in an Ensign article 10 or 15 years ago, somebody tried to make a serious case that the Don, Dnepr, and Dniester Rivers all derived their names from Dan, and that the tribe of Dan was therefore to be found in Ukraine. 

    Posted by Last Lemming

  4. Anonymous

    To further confuse things, I’ll reveal that my Patriachal Blessing says I’m from the tribe of Dan.

    My ancestors are mostly British/French. 

    Posted by Susan M

  5. Rob

    This post has been removed by the author.

  6. Rob

    This post has been removed by the author.

  7. Rob

    Here is an article which seeks to clarify who the lost tribes were… However, I’m not so sure I buy his argument that Simeon is not in fact lost. I mean c’mon, who do you know that’s from Simeon?

  8. Anonymous

    All good orthodox right-thinking Mormons must vote for the Dan-ites, of course. 

    Posted by Ben S.

  9. SRA

    Dan is still around (obviously, based on prior postings). One of my friends in UT knows a girl who was adopted from Russia & she’s from the tribe of Dan (which may support the “Dan is in Russia/Ukraine argument). So…not lost. I guess. But weren’t they cursed or something? ~~

  10. SRA

    By the way, before I got my p-blessing, I decided I dearly wanted to be from Naphtali (the tribe I voted for in the survey). But, of course, I couldn’t be so clairvoyant. Ephraim, Ephraim, Ephraim! It’s like Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! =p ~~

  11. Hey! I’m not cursed!

    My PB says I’m from tribe of Dan, and mine is a charge to prepare the way for those of my tribe who will be returning to the fold in preparation of the coming of the Savior. Then in the very next sentence it talks about how important it is that I do genealogy work. I’m the only member in my family, except for a cousin on my mother’s side, and she’s from Ephriam.

  12. Rob

    What? no-one wants to step forward and claim to being from the tribe of Reuben? Oh come on, there’s no shame in having lost your birthright over that little pseudo-incest incident… ok, well, maybe there’s a little shame in it after all, but no matter, it was all a long time ago! Let’s hear it for the Reubenites out there!

  13. SRA

    Seriously…I could swear I heard somewhere that Dan is a cursed tribe. I mean no offense, of course…I’m sure the whole tribe isn’t all bad apples…but Dan isn’t mentioned in Revelation 7:4-8, where the tribes are enumerated…the tribes eligible for the “144,000 party”. There’s speculation that it’s because the Danites were bigtime idolaters. (Judges 18:14-26) There’s more at http://www.biblestudy.org/question/danrevel.html.

  14. SRA

    I also found http://www.hope-of-israel.org/i000035a.htm to be a good source of info about Dan…good website, outside of it’s reference to Roman Catholicism as being a form of “end time idolatry”. Hey…I grew up in that church & my family are still hardcore members! =P ~~

  15. Thanks I’ll check out those links.

    I remember reading or hearing somewhere that Dan may have been left out because it was a very small tribe and was probably being grouped in with another.

  16. Rob

    Susan-

    seriously, don’t put too much weight in any “cursed tribe” theory, especially as it applies to modern days. My personal opinion is that the neglect of mentioning Dan in the 144k list is just an oversight.

    You’re not cursed… you’re very blessed to be one of the few members of your tribe to have found the Gospel. Your partriarchal blessing sounds awesome, and I wish you much success carrying the good news to the rest of your clansmen and -women.

    BTW, i’m very disappointed that no one posted the “under the Ice cap at the North Pole” theory… didn’t a GA propose that originally?

  17. You have to go with Levi. Maybe they will wear blue jeans in the Temple.

  18. Anonymous

    I’ve definitely heard the ice-cap theory in church. I was hoping it was a local aberration, though, not GA-promulgated wackiness. 

    Posted by NFlanders

  19. Rob

    Here’s a comprehensive link to various scriptures and GA statements about the lost Ten tribes. You gotta love any website named “LDSLastDays.com”

  20. Rob

    This post has been removed by the author.

  21. Rob

    This guy is a proponent of the “ten tribes inside the earth” theory, and is planning an expedition to visit them “through the North Pole opening” next summer. Sign up now to go with him!

  22. If they are under the North Pole, I hope they weren’t hurt by that asteroid that landed up there that definitively proved that life on other planets exist. I’m sure I read that somewhere…

    Speaking of the lost, what do you think John and the 3 Nephites are up to? I always thought there was a little treasure trove there for producing works of fiction. Lots of room for speculation, certainly.

  23. This is probably a very dumb question, but why isn’t Ephraim mentioned in the Jacob & Sons song, anyway?

    As I’m sitting here thinking about it, it has to be JosEPH, right? Well, why Ephraim, then? Is this another of those Jacob/Israel things?

  24. Rob

    Due to Joseph being the birthright son, he inherited a double portion, which was divided between his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. They were actually presented to Jacob and blessed by him before his death. He gave the birthright blessing to Ephraim, the younger of the two.

    Btw, sorry about the lack of posts lately, i’ve spent the last week moving from one side of town to the other.